it was like in a blink of an eye the guy you thought you were about to be with, the guy you wanted the most was there & in one blink he gets a gf thats not you.

a minute is feeling like an hour!

i want a massage
*_____________*

i changed my eyebrow piercing today :D

today, i'm going to paint the rest of my phone all glittery like i did the back of it.
the only bad thing about that is it's going to take time to dry.

kitty and me watching a movie <3

my phone keeps messing up :/

i'm not good at keeping you off my mind.
keeping you out my thoughts.
or out my heart.
the only sad thing about that is i know that's where i'm not.
but idc.

if you wanna be dumb you gotta be tough.

i wish i wasn't scared of heights P:
or bees..
or spiders.
lol.

sucking your thumb when you're seven years old is NOT cute. grow the fuck up, baby.

i will never leave my house in shorts again -____-

flirt with annoying eric cuz i'm boredddd.

i wish my daddyo would hurry up and wake up. i want to leave.

you cry more than a baby! toughen up girl.

i miss kitty. he is my world.

"I was a mistake 2. So lets make the best of it, enjoy life." i think this is the most meaningful thing my dad has ever said.

my head hurts so bad.
my bones are sore.

i miss kitty.

womp womp womp.
no sleep for me.

maybe if i close my eyes and lay real still i could stop my heartbeat.

i've ruined so many things.
i never even had a chance.

end everything, even myself.

i miss my sister.
and all the clothes she has of mine.

there is just no possible way to make my dad proud of me.
i always avoid this feeling, this subject but i can't avoid it forever.

i hate when my dad is 'disappointed' in me. makes me want to start over. like whatever i do, i'll never be good enough to him. i'll never b what he wants me 2b.

but if anything his personality is the same and still annoys the everything out of me.

glennnnn is fucking hotttt. blah, i miss him.

pizza then drugs.

and it's trash day, so the garbage truck is super loud.
blah.

but even if i DID get to relive yesterday, none of you would believe me. it's a sad world we live in!

stupid blue phone and i lost my phone memory card!
ughhhhh!

.____. nevermind my phone is just a fuck up...

do i get to relive a whole day?!

wtf, is today sunday? i thought yesterday was sunday? my phone says today is sunday the 15th!

i woke up at seven and now i can't fall back asleep
-___-

hiding this from my daddyo is kind of hard P:
i just want to be like "aye dad, i got my eyebrow pierced a few days ago" but i rather wait P:

i'm home, in bed, safe from the outside world.
safe from scary black guys lol.

welllllllll tonight was a fail. goodnight.

my eyebrow looks so cooool!

wa uh i am so proud of myself!

it's raining HELLA hard.

"honey, you are a murderer."
way to make something sound so sweet lol.

all nighter? I THINK YES.

i put glitter nail polish on the back of my phone.
and it is so cute c: lol.

dats lyfe doe.

what sucks the most is being so close of having something so flawless but ending up watching some bitch who doesn't deserve it be where i belonged.
bitch.

UGLY BITCHES! MOOOO!

all the problems you have are problems you've made up in your head.

-_________-
then, just like that he is a douche again..
idiot.

just enough to show he cares but not enough to make him seem clingy. at least he is actually sorry.

i wish i could be who my dad wants me to be. but there is no point in feeling bad about that when i could be who i want to be.
it's just life.

kitty sleeps on my pillow like he is the king or something -____-

dove for sunken gold, i took what i could hold but you're still the greatest tresor i've held in my hands.

if only to be near you, to have you and to hear you. isn't that what time is for?

stupid mother nature fucking up our seasons -__- dumb bitch.

just being still and feeling the poison running in my blood, throughout my whole body. filling all the holes, the voids nothing else could fix.

i'll never understand why you left when we were so flawless together,
but i'll never hold it against you.
because i see right threw the pain and hurt.

It feels hella early for no reason.

i wonder where my daddyo is?

though, i kind of believe that there is going to be more.
it isn't over.
at least not yet.

but there is no way i could lie and say i don't miss him.
i miss him and wish him back.

i don't understand why he went back, but all i know is he made a mistake. and everyone knows it, even himself.

happy easter.

you are my queen, rebecca!

ugh, do i have to look nice tomorrow?
lammmmeeeeeee.

i hate having dreams that we are together in. that we have a thing.. that i'd do anything for you. i hate this. i want you out.

i hate having dreams where YOU are still a part of ME.

My makeup bag smells like ports lol.

ive became numb to when certain people hurt me, but when i bring the pain to the surface it hurts way worse than if i didn't block it out in the first place...

i didn't think it would be this tough. i just want to cry myself to sleep and never wake up.

everything in my life is going wrong. i can only stay strong for so long..

sally sold sarah's sea shells by the stupid sea shore, sarah should slap sally so she shouldn't be a sassy slut!

how am i suppose to feel after you put me in that awkward fucked up situation?
how am i suppose to stop missing and wanting you?

i freaken stepped on three snails alrighty and i'm not even done walking -___-

advil pleaseeeeeee!

there is so much i want to do,
but idk if i could do them.

i just don't want to fail :l

like if i stay away from home after this summer, life will still be a party, i'll still be safe from growing up and dealing with real life.

id rather stay with toni after summer & find a school there i could go to.
because after this summer if i do stay, idk how real life will get..
i'm not ready...

but for sure if kylekyle goes to college in LV of course i'd have to stay with toni and see kyle!
maybe i'll find a jr college there to go to.

but i DO hope i stay with her at least a week. that'd be super cool. she could teach me how to cook (:

if i stay with toni during the summer or after the summer i'll have no clue what i'd do with my life there. i'd have to make new friends, find a job and stuff.

I miss my long hair.

but i'd also like to take new senior pictures as well! first one i didn't change my outfit.
and i had my long hair.
and i was with brittany.

fucking brian!
said he'd try to have my senior pictures done by my birthday and that was last monst -____-
i would like them before i graduate!

if i had any superpower, i would totally be able to pick things up with my mind!
hell yeahh lol.

and i also need a touch up with my button now though.
i'm so mad it's red though! i asked for a pink button! it looks red!

my other button will be light pink for the shading then hot pink for the outline.

but his name, or my other button? idk... i mean, i'd like both but what one should i get first?

tomorrow will be 18 years kurt cobain has been at rest...
:/
i'm thinking about getting his name on my foot.

i want a new phone P:
blah.

lol my best friend hates me!

i'll put my summer list in it, pictures from HS and 2012 summer and some other stuff i guess. idk. i'm excited about it though!

i know ive been talking about making a time capsule forever haha but i'm just going to make a little one for me and at the end of summer i'll finish it.

this summer, is going to be thee best. we're going to go all out.
but i need a camera so i can do my own little time capsule.

i wish my camera wasn't broken :/
like, it's soooo hard to live without it. i need A camera!
ugh ugh ugh blah ):

even though i don't go to an actual school, this spring break is good (:
it's being so productive haha.

i'm pretty excited for friday though!
get to see tony, finally!
going to chill wif samm, tony, gabbie and frank lol.

but i'm happy, i'm living my life to the fullest i can.
i just wish i still had you in my life, at least to see me now.

i wish you stayed with me.
i wish we never got so close.
i wish you could understand what you did to me.

but i guess walls are pretty much bottled up feelings.
those feelings you keep to yourself because of some type of fear you have.
fear is the heart of love.

walls are NOT strong enough, never enough to keep whatever out, but always enough to keep something in.
walls are NOT strong enough.

"Put no one under pressure, least of all yourself. Take life as it comes. You could find that certain fears are groundless."

i embraces life to the fullest. i believe in peace, love and happiness.

you might be a redneck jedi if: you use your light saber as a bug zapper.

LOL.

so far,

it's been a rough year, but one of the best years.

you lose some and win some.

i love this picture.

(:

always a fun day wif these two!

THERE WAS A SPIDER ON ME, I FEEL LIKE DYING! OH MY GOSH!!

kitty is so cute, he jumps on the fish tank, grabs their food container with his mouth then jumps down with it hahaha.

so my goal is to stay up alll night and alllll day and hopefully pass out tomorrow night.

"don't be friends with people you want to fuck."

why would i want the london look when i'm in america, bitch?

wtf am i doing -_____-
i need to try to fall back asleep!! ugh!

maybe rockville?
if it ain't muddy!

hmm, i wonder if kyle and i are going to hang out today.
yesterday we said we'd do something today but idk what because we are both so broke lol.

my sleeping schedule is alrighty so messed up though.

i better not stay up till eight in the morning then sleep till two! that always ruins my sleeping schedule!

like omg
do birds ever stfu?
how annoying -___-
i can't even fall back asleep.

-______- i hate birds.

i hate when my dad tells me stuff when i'm half asleep, nigga i don't remember shit!

I JUST MADE THE BEST FUCKING GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH IN THE WORLD at three in the morning!!

hot hot hot so very hawt.

That was hawt.

#NP BUSH- COME DOWN.

is it extremely gross i still haven't taken a shower & washed my hair?
i puked in it but i washed some of it out of my hair last night lol.

beetlejuice, beetlejuice, beetlejuice.

I hope my dad leaves soon for work.
i don't feel like being around him in my condition...

I'm so upset i puked in kylekyle's car!
ew, fucking all on his door! i tried cleaning it up this morning but fuck it, omg.

whenever i come home with a hangover, i always heat some food up then eat it in my bed and pass the fuck outtt!

I got hellsa dot on me!!